Note to self: Self loathing is not healthy.
And that ends now!
Lately I've been sitting in shadows; the shadows of others and of my apparent 'former self', the person numerous people asked me to pacify in the past and yet would now rather have back. People tell me they miss me. I miss me too.
Ultimately, my aim is to walk out of these shadows, permanently. Until then I have my spotlights. Random moments of light that temporarily drown out the shadows and allow me to enjoy myself and be comfortable. I control these spotlights.
Unfortunately I am of the belief that there isn't a soul on earth who quite understands this. Time and time again people reach for MY spotlight and point it directly at me. I beg of you, please do not force me out of the shadows when it is not my time to shine.
Do you think you are doing me a favour? I assure you that you are not. I count myself lucky that I have discovered these random moments of light and I cease on every single one when and if I can.
When you shine the spotlight on me,
I'm just a rabbit in your headlights.